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Social etiquette is one of those things that people tend to roll their eyes at these days. Nobody wants to be prim and proper anymore but, unfortunately, as we’ve let go of the etiquette rules that had run their course, we’ve also stopped following the rules that made the world a little bit easier to live in.
From things like putting our phones down during dinner to courteous driving, sometimes it feels like politesse is dead.
But the truth is that manners and etiquette don’t have to die a lonely, neglected death.
Your guess is as good as mine. Yes, I am on a crusade to bring etiquette back in our lives this year hence my 3Es Virtual Masterclass coming up at the end of this month.
We can all start to slowly make things a little easier on ourselves, our loved ones and the rest of our fellow humans by incorporating more courtesy, respect and etiquette into our lives.
Before you know it, you’ll see others catching onto your etiquette and the rest will be history
So what are my 10 takeaway etiquette tips for this year?
1. Put Away distractions during dinner
How many times have you been at dinner with someone and, in the middle of the conversation, they took out their phone? It’s probably happened more times than you care to admit and you’ve probably even done this yourself. However, a small but important part of etiquette is to keep the phone or any distractions out of sight all night. Enjoy dinner with your loved ones (or even by yourself) sans distractions, and when you do this it will make life a little happier for all of us.
2. Give others a break. Traditionally I get impatient when people wind me up the wrong way especially when I provide clear and concise direction and they still can’t understand or locate me. This is for me this year as well as for everyone. Learn to be patient with others even if they are clearly or deliberately winding you up the wrong way it’s a new year. Patience and kindness are a virtue and we must all cultivate and practice them. If you approach people with kindness and compassion they are more likely to do better themselves and may learn from you.
3. Say please and thank you
Hey, is it just me or everyone else. I think as a society and as a people we’ve thrown thank you and please to the dogs!
This seems rather basic but it will surprise you how many people were not taught this from childhood and as such not ingrained in their psyche. Saying please and thank you is one of the little etiquette lessons that can pay off ultimately. Develop this habit, teach your family and friends this etiquette, practice it and it will be super beneficial in the long run.
4. Respond to invitations appropriately
One of the things we do badly on this side of the world is responding appropriately to invitations and on time. Because we have a last-minute culture, we tend to respond to everything late including invitations. The RSVP……. Respondez sil vous plait In other cultures, weddings and other events are planned to the T. So what’s the approximate time to respond I hear you ask? I believe responding within 24 hours if the event is less than two weeks and 48 to 72 hours if the event is more than two weeks will suffice. It’s absolutely good etiquette to check your diary, schedule or plans and respond immediately. That keeps you organised as well.
5. Bring office-friendly food
Courtesy demands that you do not offend people with your not-so-pleasant-smelling food at work. For the 8 or 9 hours at work, you can do without your stinky foods that offend other people’s noses at work. Reserve what I refer to as “deep and spiritual” foods for the home where you can enjoy that delicacy to the hilt. It’s totally fine to eat what you want to eat but just remember to be courteous not to have your worst smelling foods at work. Your colleagues and mates deserve better.
6. Don’t reply when angry
Yes, I know you want to give that person, that colleague a piece of your mind, but you need that piece to function appropriately so calm down, wait till the dust settles and calmly respond to that crazy mate who always wants to wind you up that bend. It’s a much more etiquette-friendly strategy if you relax, pause, breathe and wait till you’ve calmed down before replying to that message, email or phone call that has you on the edge. It’s a new year and one of your priorities should be to evolve to a better you. Right? I’m sure that’s not a bad idea at all for a new year.
7. Take a nice present or gift to grieving or hurt friend
Growing up, I noticed our parents always took a gift when we visited family or friends. Equally, our parents’ friends always brought a gift when they visited. With the advent of electronic gifts, the culture and tradition of helping people when grieving, ill, or hurt is lost. It’s one of those sad etiquette memories that will make the world a better place if we visit a neighbour in person and bring a nice gift if they are ill, grieving or hurting in a way. Next time when you know someone who could use a welcome hand or little cheering up, why not take some food over or a nice present to cheer them up?
8. Don’t take phone calls in public
We’ve now become a phone crazy world. We pretty much are on our phones 24/7. It’s gradually becoming normal to talk anywhere in public and loud too. This etiquette lesson must not be forgotten. Next time your phone rings in public in the waiting room of a clinic, grocery store or restaurant, unless it’s an emergency, remember to excuse yourself and have the conversation or better still, call that person back when you’re in private. We all don’t want to be listening to your personal conversation when in public. Do we?
I have a whole lesson on the telephone, and virtual etiquette and will share that in my upcoming 3Es Masterclass, coming up at the end of this month.
9. Use your indicator signal when driving
As more people and drivers are on the road, many have forgotten the basic courtesies (and Laws ) on the road. One of the biggest culprits here is using your turning or indicator signal. The whole essence of this is to allow people around you to anticipate your next move and act appropriately. It’s not unusual especially on this side of the world, to be driving and all of a sudden have to slam on your break because the person in front of you forgot to signal yet they’ve slowed down to turn. Don’t be that person learn to use your indicator. And while on this, learn to say thank you if a driver courteously stops to give you the opportunity to turn when you’re waiting to turn. It’s my pet peeve when you show kindness to someone on the road when they drive off with glee indicating it’s my due. Let’s be courteous, kind and safe on the road, it’s an antidote for road rage.
10. Stay at home if you feel unwell
With our workaholic culture, many people will show up to work even when they are visibly unwell. With the pandemic and easy spread of the Covid variants please do us all a favour and stay at home when ill. Basic Etiquette doesn’t even come to the equation, but the best thing you can do for yourself, your colleagues and for all of us is to stay at home when you’re ill. This badly needs to be brought back to help spread the current ravaging Omicron and Delcron variants rapidly spreading in our communities.
This is where I end for today. I’ll bring you 10 more basic etiquette rules we must all learn to abide by at a later time.
About the writer
Em Bartels is the founder and Executive Director of GPA Awards International Ltd, Excell Consulting GH, Excell Branding GH, a Personal Branding Expert and Executive Coach with a track record of building incredible personal brands that help executives to stand out, become visible and attract a passionate tribe.
She’s also a communication expert passionate about oral communication, Certified Protocol and Etiquette Executive.
