Anytime you go to the filling station or [‘petrol shelll’ as we used to call all fuel service stations] to buy fuel and the pump attendant keeps reminding you to watch the screen before he starts pumping, Auntie, don’t worry yourself; he is already done with what he intends doing especially if he has a potbelly.
Nothing annoys me more than seeing a pump attendant with a potbelly. How? Corruption di333, no no no! Even the momo vendor wants to steal from his employer. If you know, Hmmm! It’s Friday again and we are here to take it easy on ourselves.
“Permit me to share with you our national experience in combating corruption.
I intend to do this by placing the fight against corruption in Nigeria within the context of the three priority programmes of our Administration. On assumption of office on 29th May 2015, we identified as our main focus three key priority programmes.
They are, combating insecurity, tackling corruption and job creation through re-structuring the declining national economy” –President Buhari. His speech at The Anti-Corruption Summit in London (May 11, 2016).
For me and my monitoring of the Nigerian environment, he has done his best, at least far better than what happened in Umuofia land during the same period.
My condolences to the entire Federal Republic of our dear cousins of Nigeria for the sad loss of one personality I had admired from afar. My biggest wish was to have ever met him at Aso Rock at Abuja, the tight presidential villa but that was just a wishful thinking. May your soul rest well, Your Excellency President Buhari.
I was putting this write-up together about my affinity for our Naija cousins and to tease them small as usual when suddenly it popped up on my phone that Keni Blak’s friend is gone.
You know Keni Blak is perhaps the only one who could mimic the late Nigerian President flawlessly.
Coincidentally, last Tuesday while putting finishing touches to this satiric abstract, there was news that the mortal remains of the former President being interred.
More coincidentally was the fact that a serious statement was being made by the Governor of the Bank of Ghana on radio. I heard him clearly bemoaning the situation where some Ghanaian businesses, with wanton disregard for the law, price their services and goods in dollars and other foreign currencies when there is a law against that.
The Governor, more or less cited this as one of the main causes of the challenge we have with our local currency – the cedi. I couldn’t agree with him more.
Then my mind went back to the first time I touched down in Nigeria. President Buhari was in power then. Unlike Abuja where at the airport, you see a welcome sign ‘Welcome to Abuja’, in Lagos, what you would see is ‘This is Lagos’. You can decide how to respond to each one of them.
That’s your problem. Hehehe!
Who are you to price hotel rates in dollars? I often have to explain to my friends why I think many laws in Nigeria work better than in Ghana. It is only if you haven’t spent some time in Naija before that you may disagree with me.
Look, it is just a wrong notion – there is better regard for most laws in Naija than in Ghana. I had been to at least 7 of their States and never seen any product or service being priced in dollars, maybe not under H.E President Buhari but I was told it had been like that before he took over the reins of power for the second time.
He came to further entrench the law for the collective good of the people. Try it and the dungeon becomes your next home no matter who you are!
It is perhaps one of the reasons the price of almost every commodity in Naija is about half the price in Ghana – the dollar factor at work!
Anyway, I am beginning to feel the change coming and crystalising here in Ghana– you trade in dollars, you go to jail – the Nigerian way – simple! Most of us like too much profit making in this country riding on the back of especially the dollar dollar.
Mr Governor, please work on enforcing this dollar law and let’s see the so-called civil society whatever, think tankers and human rights whoever come to say something to the contrary with the ripple-effect view of making life worse for us. What is this! Ah!
Away from the solemn and the serious introductory paragraphs of this ‘useless column’, life goes on. It’s Fridayyyyyyyy and whether we like it or not, tomorrow shall be Saturdayyyyyyy. Hahahahahahaha!
You know if your problem is not big enough, that is when you pray in English. Mawu sogbo lisa, Ataa Naaa Nugmo, Ewuradi Onyakupong‘ are some local expressions you should use when praying for God’s intervention in your life in high profile problems.
Talking about Nigeria reminds of what is possible there and what is not possible there. In fact, nothing is impossible. Tell a Naija man, it is ‘impossible’ and he would prove to you that you are pessimistic.
That was the first time I saw someone buying electricity prepaid and negotiating the number of days he can use the power; he asked the prepaid vendor how many days it would take for his prepared at about 6,000 Naira would last considering the gadgets he was using. Vendor says 8 days.
This one too, Paddyman was negotiating for more days and went ahead to ask if he could pay the same amount for low current for 15 days. Naija? Nothing is impossible there o. Hahahaha!
I often don’t align with the general not-so-impressive perception about them; they are generally a very nice people. I love them. There are good and bad people everywhere.
Everybody on this earth is good and bad at the same time; we only try to be better. Even in our attempt to become better, we become bad! Don’t think about it; just be good! Biko!
I used to think otherwise when younger only to realise that “The older you get, the more you realise it’s not what happened; it’s how you deal with it’ – Tina Turner. May her soul rest in perfect peace!
I have a Naija friend with whom I used to argue over football and other matters. Shhh! This is a secret o. Don’t tell anybody o. The last time I ate their jollof, it was as good as ours. They have started copying us in this area too as they did to our entertainment industry. Let’s look sharp before theirs become better; they are smart people.
While we are arguing over whose jollof tastes better, they are quietly working on theirs to become better. Ayooo!
Greetings oo, Oga Isaac Oluwafemi and all my friends in Victoria Islands, Ibadan, Ekiti, Ogun, Oshun, Abuja, Delta, Ikeja, Apapa, Ijebu, Abeokuta, etc. I called this my elderly friend and former boss after the last soccer match between Chelsea and PSG.
Apparently, he knew I was coming to tease him before the match. You know at some point about half the population of Naija were Chelsea fans all because of Mikel Obi. Then last Sunday he picked the call and was talking to someone else in the background ‘Tolu, I say the boss is for boss’.
I was not getting him clearly but because of konkonsa, I kept eavesdropping and he kept saying the same thing to the supposed Tolu and ended up by saying ‘wait let me text it to you’. Oga mistakenly texted the thing to me instead of to Tolu and guess what he sent ‘The bus is for Boss’.
My people and this accent thing. The words ‘Bus’ and ‘Boss’ hardly have any difference in pronunciation but this is understandable. What I still don’t understand is why they pronounce the word ‘first’ as ‘forst’ and ‘third’ as ‘thord’! My Naija friends, home and abroad, you know I like you guys so much because of your real nature of being real and not intimidated in anyway regardless. Ei my friends at that huge local restaurant at Abuja with inscriptions all over: ‘No meeting after eating’.
This is not impolite. It is what it is. Eating place is not meeting place. As a restaurant owner, try that in Ghana and we would say you are rude. For them, they are just telling you what it is – eat and go so others can also get a place to sit and eat. I also noticed something interesting about them. They hardly spend one hour as lunch time.
After 15 minutes, no time for peripherals and gossiping after eating. Unlike some of us their cousins here in Ghana, lunch is one hour and must be exhausted and sometimes with an extension.
Thankfully, all these are being reset!
Sometimes they tell us they think many Ghanaians are afraid to say what they feel because they think people will say they are impolite. I couldn’t agree with them more, in any case it’s different cultures but onep eople.
May your gentle soul rest in peace, Your Excellency President Buhari!
But before I conclude, let me ask you om Keni Blak. Is there any difference between pronouncing the words ‘bus’ and ‘boss’ in Naija English? Na joke I dey joke oo!…hahahahahahaha!
