If you keep praying fervently for God to answer your prayers and you are not getting answers, please check yourself. I have discovered the obstacle; it is not only the eyes that need to be closed during prayers.
Whenever I am praying and I have the urge to pass gas after the previous night’s consumption of beans and fried eggs, I don’t normally care who is around; I just let it go….often on the quiet…no sound but the wind still gets broken! Fuin! Sounds like light off ryt? Hahahahaha! It’s Fridayyyyyy and nothing happens here apart from ‘useless abstracts’!
When my prayers during those moments are not answered, I asked myself if I were to be standing in front of my boss or my parents and I am making a request and I have the same urge, would I still ‘drop it’ in their presence? It was then I realized that we often have a lot of disrespect for God especially when praying and the urge to break the wind keeps calling.
For some strange reasons and as fate would have it, that ‘gas urge’ would not come until you start to pray o. Ei!
Akin to our early days in cyto schools. When you have a stinking sore on your ankle and you are at assembly, no housefly comes around until you are asked to stand straight to recite the national anthem or the pledge without moving.
That is when the house flies come in their numbers to disturb your peace of sore! At this point you have no choice but to respect the house flies or find a nice way of using the other foot to block the sore from being attacked by the flies without your teachers noticing.
My brothers and sisters, if you don’t have a problem, I suggest you get one – just get married! It would stretch you to the limit but it is worth it at the end of the day. The problem with marriage is that men think they are the ones in charge of wearing the pioto in the house. It is not o.
That is how society makes it appear. If you like let your wife go and report you to the police accusing you of laying your hands on her; you would see the speed at which the police would come after you whether her accusation is true or false.
On the other hand, you too go and report your wife for beating you and see how that matter would be handled. You may not even get a paper to write your statement because people would think there is something wrong with you.
But for the woman, whether true or not, almost everybody would believe it!
Honestly, I don’t think I can lower my ego to the extent of reporting my wife to the police for assaulting me. How am I going to present it even if I am drunk? No ooo! I would manage it like that. That is why I married a woman I am taller and thicker than.
Hehehehehe! Those of you whose wives are giants in the house, may your living body and souls rest in peace especially if you keep thinking you are the head of the family! For whia? Kafra!
When ‘boys boys’ meet to discuss their homes er, the akpeteshie ones would often open up to you. 8 out of every 10 men would tell you that at home, they are the ones who submit…assignments; not their wives! You don’t know how we are managing!
Due to unnecessary peer pressure, I met Ablavi as a waitress in a chopbar.
Her bombom was divided into two and each half was big with a valley in between. The thing kick me…in the groin….yiiii! I managed to ‘steal’ her phone number when she was giving it out to somehone to my hearing. She gave me all the good, the bad, the ugly life’s experiences.
I couldn’t chat her on whatsapp unless it is voice message. She dropped out of school very early in life, primary 5! I wasn’t interested in educational background. When she sends a voice message, she would speak in the local language. She hardly accepted money from me.
When you dash her 1 cedi, she would thank you every day forever. We used to break up and patch up. It was our hobby, break up small, patch up small and then go a long break and then back to each other. She possessed everything I deserve in a woman. Front guards and back axles firmly at the right places, respect for a man, and OMG! Ablavi is the biblical submissive woman!
Ablavi was so uneducated but disciplined in everything.
I was at Ablavi’s house one Saturday night. As to what I was going to do there sef, I don’t know ooo. She was not there. I called her line, she was constantly on the phone. Because I wanted to tell her I was home, I ignored all notifications of ‘call waiting’ so she could see the urgency of what I intend to tell her.
Then I could hear someone’s voice in the background and the decibels of her voice became louder as she approached her door. I was sitting on some cement blocks packed in the corner of her house in the cold weather so she didn’t notice I was around…in the dark. The voice was Ablavi’s but no, this is not the Ablavi I know. She was speaking impeccable English and I was like nooo.
She got closer to her door and attempted opening with the key but the conversation she was having was so astute and scholarly that she was even missing the hole. I know some of us sometimes miss the holes when drunk but not when in the dark room with our spouses.
In fact, we see clearer in the dark in that state than when the lights are on. We see better in the dark without our lenses, the irony of sin!
Continuously for about 2 and a half minutes, this was what I heard her say in English: ‘you know, some of these things are the things that require mission and vision statements which should have been part of their annual report…’ I first froze. What has this chopbar girl got to do with mission and vision statements? Ha!
After these few minutes, I had enough evidence so I cleared my throat while seated in the dark. Surprisingly she was in full suit with an inner white. When she got to know I had ‘uncovered’ her, she appeared a bit nervous because I have seen the other part of her which she didn’t want me to know. Long and short is that Ablavi possesses an M.Phil degree! Herh!
So what happened to all the whatsapp messages anytime I left my phone with her. I started sweating small small.
My mind raced back to several incidents one of which was an attempt to teach her how to write: ‘I love you’ on whatsapp. She struggled and begged me to speak the local language with her because she could neither read nor write!
So I asked why with all her very serious qualifications, she decided to work in a chopbar for almost a decade. Her then salary was GHC40 but she was fine and as stated earlier, she never asked me for money. It was then she opened up to me that her parents were in academia and living outside the country.
She hid her background to even her neighbours and employers. Many people looked down on her. She smiled while confessing that she had read some of my reckless whatsapp messages but they were none of her business though she felt jealous a couple of times…she said this with a smile.
Ablavi is from a very rich family and didn’t need anything. It made sense to me now why she never asked me for money. According to her, she believed in simple life as she learnt this from one of her great grandparents.
She didn’t openly declare the number of degrees she had…not even to me. I was like…wow! Is this Ablavi? She responded: ‘No, my name is not even Ablavi; I am actually Serwa’.
Hmmmm! What a way to show humility. I saw how powerful she is. She had served people in her chopbar where people said terrible things to her in English and she pretended she didn’t even hear. Different person – Serwa, not Ablavi? Her only regret was that I had caught her.
How her first degree and san 7 neighbours flaunted their educational background before her. She said someone even bought her a P 1 English textbook for her to read so she could speak basic English.
But as to why Ablavi chose such a weird lifestyle, and still working in a chopbar, Ablavi must be a CID, Alla! That was when she thought me the psychology of ‘self-effacing’. Please google it especially those of you our wives who want to wear the same pioto with us, your husbands. I recently heard a neighbour’s wife telling her husband: “you wait let me go to church and come and you would see the other side of me”. Ei!
Meanwhile, this woman had not even completed JSS and is already about to display her other side to her husband on an LED screen after church. Hmmm!
The concept of ‘Self-effacing’ is a very powerful psychological weapon. Don’t look down on people like Ablavi. She could just be the one wearing the pioto!
Enjoy your weekend and don’t go about removing any pioto that does not belong to you because sin fascinates and assassinates!
