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    Gov’t’s commitment to practical science education is commendable – Prof. Davis

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    Ghana reports 12 new Mpox cases as total reaches 908

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    Ebo Noah’s viral popularity could boost Central Region Tourism — Jonilar suggests

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    Keeping the historical memory: Latin America’s participation in World War II

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    IMF warns that U.S. tariffs could destabilize global economy

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    World Cup 2026: Argentina qualify ahead of Brazil showdown

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    Heavyweight boxing legend George Foreman dies aged 76

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    Parliament formally notifies EC of Kpandai vacancy seat

    Parliament formally notifies EC of Kpandai vacancy seat

    Ghana and Qatar begin implementation of Labour Mobility Agreement

    Elections 2028: NPP should save money and forget contesting presidential election – Kwakye-Ackah

    Mahama marks one-year anniversary of election victory with renewed pledge

    Mahama marks one-year anniversary of election victory with renewed pledge

    EC postpones District Assembly, Unit Committee by-elections

    EC postpones District Assembly, Unit Committee by-elections

    Ukraine-Russia crisis: Asking Ghanaian students to find safe shelter ‘petrifying’ – Okudzeto Ablakwa

    Ghana expresses concern over post-election violence in Tanzania

    NPP decides: Over 30,000 delegates to vote in Ashanti Region

    Justin Kodua underscores NPP constitutional amendment to strengthen party

    NPP’s verification exercise to guarantee free, fair primaries – Justin Kodua

    NPP’s verification exercise to guarantee free, fair primaries – Justin Kodua

    Three standing trial over Odododiodio election violence – Interior Minister

    Three standing trial over Odododiodio election violence – Interior Minister

    Gov’t constitutes mediation team to resolve Gbiniyiri conflict

    Full text: Interior ministers’ briefing on 2020 and 2024 election violence

  • Politics
    NDC administration delivering ‘reverse’ not ‘reset’ -Miracles Aboagye

    NDC administration delivering ‘reverse’ not ‘reset’ -Miracles Aboagye

    Sammy Awuku warns against ‘coordinated push’ towards ‘one-party’ state

    Sammy Awuku warns against ‘coordinated push’ towards ‘one-party’ state

    Haruna Iddrisu calls for stronger budget oversight, dedicated offices for MPs

    Haruna Iddrisu calls for stronger budget oversight, dedicated offices for MPs

    Third-term agenda calculated attempt to sway NDC’s focus – Korankyewaa

    NPP Chairman to Ghanaians: Let’s be mindful with people we elect as leaders

    United Party proposes independent Anti-Corruption Czar to replace OSP

    Presidential term extension dangerous to democracy – Afia Korankyewaa

    Third term agenda is ‘NPP trap’ set for Prez. Mahama – Afia Korankyewaa

    Mahama will suffer his worst defeat if seeks third term in 2028 election – Oda MP

    NPP Flagbearer Race: Ndekugri Foundation CEO endorses Kennedy Agyapong

    NPP Flagbearer Race: Ndekugri Foundation CEO endorses Kennedy Agyapong

  • News
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  • Business
    Ebo Noah’s viral popularity could boost Central Region Tourism — Jonilar suggests

    Ebo Noah’s viral popularity could boost Central Region Tourism — Jonilar suggests

    Ghana’s gold sector sees record exports, Gov’t pushes for value addition

    GoldBod emerges as key player in economic recovery, helps BoG mobilise $10bn for stability

    Ukraine war: World Bank warns of ‘human catastrophe’ food crisis

    Ghana’s economy hits 5.5% growth – GSS report

    President Mahama assents Act to scrap Covid-19 Levy

    President Mahama assents Act to scrap Covid-19 Levy

    GEA hosts annual review meeting to enhance worker performance in Greater Accra

    GEA hosts annual review meeting to enhance worker performance in Greater Accra

    MoFA welcomes corporate partnerships to support farmers – Agric Minister

    MoFA welcomes corporate partnerships to support farmers – Agric Minister

    Mahama urges adoption of modern farming technologies to boost productivity

    Take up farming duties as a side job – Mahama to professionals

    Mahama urges adoption of modern farming technologies to boost productivity

    Mahama urges adoption of modern farming technologies to boost productivity

    Ghana marks 41st National Farmers’ Day with a renewed call to ‘Feed Ghana, Eat Ghana, Secure the Future

    Ghana marks 41st National Farmers’ Day with a renewed call to ‘Feed Ghana, Eat Ghana, Secure the Future

  • Education
    GES condemns violence at Adisadel College

    GES dismisses ‘secret recruitment’ claims

    President Mahama lifts ban on state land sales

    No need for dispute when missions school assented to MoU on religious diversity – Mahama 

    GES condemns violence at Adisadel College

    GES condemns assault on teacher at Kade SHTS, assures drastic measures

    GETFund accelerates practical science education with strategic funding for STEMBox initiative

    GETFund accelerates practical science education with strategic funding for STEMBox initiative

    Headmaster of Dzodze-Penyi SHS interdicted over alleged sexual misconduct

    Headmaster of Dzodze-Penyi SHS interdicted over alleged sexual misconduct

    President Mahama launches STEMBox initiative for basic education

    President Mahama launches STEMBox initiative for basic education

    Gov’t’s commitment to practical science education is commendable – Prof. Davis

    Gov’t’s commitment to practical science education is commendable – Prof. Davis

    Over 1,000 pupils in Krachi Nchumuru District receive free school uniforms

    Over 1,000 pupils in Krachi Nchumuru District receive free school uniforms

    Legon UTAG defies order to resume lectures

    GTEC halts UG’s distance learning centres over accreditation issues

  • Health
    Weija Pediatric Hospital

    We’ve not interfered in Weija Pediatrics Hospital project – MoH

    Weija Pediatric Hospital

    Weija Children’s Hospital: We’re unaware of the Health Ministry’s challenges with the World Bank – Contractor

    Weija Pediatric Hospital

    Work on Pediatric Hospital at Weija stalls as World Bank allegedly cancels contract

    Veep commission’s KGL Eve Medical Centre to boost mental health care

    Veep commission’s KGL Eve Medical Centre to boost mental health care

    Africa must take control of its health future – Health Minister

    Africa must take control of its health future –Health Minister

    Georgina Appiah Amponsah: Galamsey: The enemy of Ghana’s agriculture

    Georgina Appiah Amponsah: Galamsey: The enemy of Ghana’s agriculture

    Ghana reports 12 new Mpox cases as total reaches 908

    Ghana reports 12 new Mpox cases as total reaches 908

    GHS reaffirms commitment to disability-inclusive healthcare

    GHS reaffirms commitment to disability-inclusive healthcare

    UNFPA donates equipment to boost maternal health

    UNFPA donates equipment to boost maternal health

    • Lifestyle
  • Entertainment
    Lumba’s final funeral rites underway in Kumasi

    Lumba’s final funeral rites underway in Kumasi

    President Mahama launches fund to care for children of helicopter crash victims

    President Mahama donates GH¢50,000 to late Daddy Lumba’s family

    Ebo Noah’s viral popularity could boost Central Region Tourism — Jonilar suggests

    Ebo Noah’s viral popularity could boost Central Region Tourism — Jonilar suggests

    Lumba’s lyrics were ‘transcendental and enjoyable’- Former President Kufuor

    Daddy Lumba’s uncle raises concerns after funeral injunction

    Baba Jamal and associates’ legal response for Fosu Royal Family

    Court okays Lumba’s funeral but family misses deadline to pay GH₵2million

    I faced depression and isolation during my marriage – Portia Asare opens up

    I faced depression and isolation during my marriage – Portia Asare opens up

    Baba Jamal and associates’ legal response for Fosu Royal Family

    High court injuncts Daddy Lumba’s funeral

    Evangelist Papa Shee narrates how widowhood claims saga began in Daddy Lumba’s family

    Evangelist Papa Shee narrates how widowhood claims saga began in Daddy Lumba’s family

    Nana Yeboah demands Agradaa’s face be shown during court appearances

    Nana Yeboah demands Agradaa’s face be shown during court appearances

  • Features
  • World
    Mahama reaffirms solidarity with Kenya at Jamhuri day celebration

    Mahama reaffirms solidarity with Kenya at Jamhuri day celebration

    Israeli troops kill municipal worker in south Lebanon raid

    Israeli troops kill municipal worker in south Lebanon raid

    Keeping the historical memory: Latin America’s participation in World War II

    Keeping the historical memory: Latin America’s participation in World War II

    Premature shut down of Washington embassy dents Ghana’s Foreign Service – Minority

    Israel-Iran Conflict: Safety of Ghanaians must be national priority – Minority to gov’t

    Cardinal Leo XIV elected as first American pope

    Cardinal Leo XIV elected as first American pope

    IMF warns that U.S. tariffs could destabilize global economy

    IMF warns that U.S. tariffs could destabilize global economy

    World Cup 2026: Argentina qualify ahead of Brazil showdown

    World Cup 2026: Argentina qualify ahead of Brazil showdown

    Heavyweight boxing legend George Foreman dies aged 76

    Heavyweight boxing legend George Foreman dies aged 76

    The truth behind presidential sunglasses: Why leaders like Mahama wear them

    The truth behind presidential sunglasses: Why leaders like Mahama wear them

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Home Features

Mawuli Zogbenu: ‘Deep or wide?’

by Jerry Tsatro Mordy
August 24, 2023
in Features, Top Story
Reading Time: 4 mins read
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Mawuli Zogbenu

Mawuli Zogbenu

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If you think banana and groundnut taste nice, then you’ve probably not tried groundnut and pawpaw before. If in doubt, try groundnut with hot pepper. Your eyes will pay for this combination especially when the oxygen required to quench the ‘heat’ is not sufficient.

Did you know that a more faithful girlfriend is the one who asks you for one thousand Ghana or GHC2000? She is reliable.

That is not to suggest that Ablavi who asks for only 30 cedis or below 200 cedis is not good o. I didn’t say you are likely to be a member of a susu company without knowing. 30 cedis here, 70 cedis there and 185 cedis there can sustain a savings and loans company. Ablavi used to ask me for 17 cedis and 23 cedis 50 cedis; very weird.

But she was very faithful to me. You see how selfish most men can be? You know you won’t marry Ablavi because you are already married but would want Ablavi to be faithful to you. Hoooo! Shame on me, sorry, us! Won’t you allow her to also search and settle down with one boozeman? Yes, that is the mind of men. When we break up with a lady, our secret prayer is that she should meet someone worse than us. Is it the same true with some ladies too? Ah ei! Let me walk pass! God is watching me and Frances!

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I thank God for taking me out of that peer game we call womanising! Some people don’t know that womanizing is a calling. Hehehehe! You say you want to bow to peer pressure. So I showed Gizo a place in town where he would get one easily. He went, met the gerl and didn’t know what to tell her.

At the end of the day he spent GHC500 on drinks and khebabs. He was so annoying to the lady asking unnecessary questions one of which is: ‘so do you like Hawusa koko with tea bread? Gizo is such a bad company er. I am sure that gerl regretted even sitting down at the same table with him.

He called me later in the evening to ask me what he must do. Ei, Awuchey, at 46, you want me to teach you what to do? Then the following day we met. I need to mentor this guy. I asked him to call the girl in my presence and say sweet things like ‘sweetheart, how are you?’

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My introvert friend had a problem with this one too. When he called, the girl picked and listen to Gizo: ‘Hello, is that sweetheart?’ I could not laugh. He didn’t know what to say but continuously repeating ‘is that sweetheart? I want to miss you’. Ey? Miss you s3s3n? I asked in him. Hmmm! The thing is a calling o, Gizo.

Thank God another weekend is here and we are still alive. You keep eating meat and sugar by hat and don’t check your blood pressure regularly and you are still alive thinking you are the best man in town? Continue!

This galamsey thing er. I don’t know what we can do about it again o. Look at the Prah River. This river used to be very deep and wide and the water, drinkable. Now, all you need is to buy tea bread, sit by the river banks, and drink tea from the deep and wide river.

Matter close. Simple. If you are already thinking about something else that can be wide and deep, may the Lord God take control of you and wash you with His anointing oil and ommo. Amen? Amen!
Years ago my late father told me that mineral resources are in my hometown too though I doubted him.

He said some decades ago, when some people tried to do galamsey there, it was the gods of the land that dealt with them especially knowing these activities had the propensity to pollute the water bodies. Could this be the reason galamsey is not happening in my hometown? Me I don’t know o, I am only ‘axing’.

Please don’t call me now; I am still sleeping. Ah!

Guys are bad. I just remembered the days I was a guy. Now I am no longer a guy; signs of old age have started showing. One of them is picking up the phone with the intention to call someone. The moment I try to call; I forget the name of the one I want to call. Man is growing. I am not that old but I still remember the days of ‘LT Buses’ face-to-face’ from Achimota to Kaneshie and Tema station to Nungua.

Sometimes, they start the engines of these vehicles from behind the car! Many of these vehicles don’t have key entry; they just connect some wires and away to Kaneshie and passengers would talk saaaaaa! We have really come a long way.

Those were the days me too I decided to take a girlfriend. Look at me too o, on a mission to take girlfriend. Hehehehe! Young ladies, abeg when you visit a guy whose room has only a bed without chairs, please don’t wait for one minute sef because he has evil intentions. Go back home. Otherwise where does he expect you to sit? If you sit on the bed, you are on your own. It means you have consented. In the legal space, you would be told ‘volenti non fit injuria’ to wit ‘no harm is done to a person who consents’! Me I tell you o unless you want to consent.

One such incident where I asked the lady to sit on the bed, I had a ‘wicked’ agendum in mind. I started doing my things and she hypocritically asked me: ‘what do you think you are doing’? as if she thought my intention was to fix a medal on her neck! Hmmm! Ladies, chair-less room with smelly perfume is a trap. Don’t be tempted to slap him because you can be charged for assault. Just lie down on the bed and cover yourself under the bedsheet and sleep. It is better to lie on the bed than to sit on it. Na swim you go swim o. Hahahaha!

If you have not found yourself at the wrong side of the law before, you would probably not know that in law courts, one slap contains one million charges. Intention to slap, one charge. Slapping itself, two charges. Slapping for it to sound, third charge. Slapee crying, forth charge. Slapee going deaf after the slap, you are finished. Slapee seeing stars after the slap, trouble. Slapee’s inability to describe how the stars look like, just faint because you have cause a serious damage to the slapee’s memory after the slap. Woe on to you if they tell you to prepare for jail bcos of your expertise in slapping, start crying!

I got to know there is a cat meat cold store at Domi market and surprised to see the number of cars that come there to buy frozen cat meat. This is ‘cat artificial intelligence’. I heard someone was sometime ago jailed in the western world because he killed a cat and used the meat for pepper soup. What a charge! In the cat stock market in Ghana, shares can go up or down depending on how the market behaves on the health of the cats.

A healthy male cat (Joseph) goes for GHC60. If it is a female cat (Josephine), it costs GHC50. If it is single, please you can’t use it to prepare pepper soup. If it is widowed, consideration is given to the deceased husband (Joseph) for leaving his poor wife behind and she may not be killed, at least not immediately but it will happen.

Glaucoma infested ones are free of charge.
Have a nice weekend and remember to go on leave; you are only as good to your employer so long as you are alive. Pretend to be dead from stress related ailments and see. The employer does not lose you; your family does! Take a break and go on vacation small! Ah!

Bye byeeeeee!

Tags: Deep or WideHumourMawuli Zogbenu
Jerry Tsatro Mordy

Jerry Tsatro Mordy

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